I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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