I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
