it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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