Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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