So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
