Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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