Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
