we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
