Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
