3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
