apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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