I could have mohawked her pubes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
