People with herpes should wear stickers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
