Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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