He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
