There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
