Got a toothbrush?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
