He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
