U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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