he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found your dick twin last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
