god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
