good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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