someone threw a dead crab at me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
