i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
