Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
