I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
