No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Michael Bay diarrhea
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
