also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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