I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
