never play flip cup with pint glasses
You smell like stripper and shame
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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