omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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