You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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