Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
