I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
