Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
