Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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