I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm passing your future prison.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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