I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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