After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
