I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
