im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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