You work out of a Hotel?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
