I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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