K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
