If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I came so hard my ears popped.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
