My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
