Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
