Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
