So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
