i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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