I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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