you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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