see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I could make wine with my vomit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
