just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
