ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
