God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
