ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
