didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
try to milk me bitch
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