sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
