Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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