He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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