I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
