So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
