Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
