i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
