I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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