I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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