I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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