I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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