I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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