If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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