she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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