I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
