Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
