You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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