Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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