i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my liver is dry heaving
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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