If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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