Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's never too late to be topless.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
