it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
