So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
