i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
