I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
vagina is talking i cant
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize