This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
